So after I posted my now infamous "dog and a bike" manifesto, I received some feedback from some haters who deigned to tell me that "Gobbles" is not an acceptable name for a dog.First of all, Gobbles the beagle may not even be born yet for all I know, so I am forced to defend what may be my as-of-yet unborn puppy. You are disparaging the name of a dog that hasn't even been born yet. How can you people looks yourselves in the mirror?
OK secondly, as to the claims that my dog will be a Nazi, I simply say: no. Gobbles is the name of a lovable beagle puppy, friend to people of all races and creeds. Not to be confused with Joseph Goebbels, chief propagandist and leader of the third reich. Lets examine the differences:
- Goebbels: best friend is Hitler. Instrumental in the execution of the holocaust, he kills himself and his family rather than face consequences for atrocities committed during WWII.
- Gobbles: likes meat-flavored biscuits and smelling other dogs' behinds. Best friend is his soccer ball shaped chew toy. Also enjoys long periods of having his belly scratched.
Next point of contention: the assertion that the name Gobbles calls to mind the eating of food, gobbling, or Thanksgiving. And what, might I ask, is so wrong about these allusions? Also as previously discussed on The Heathernet, food is a glorious thing. Thanksgiving is a celebration of that glory. Hence, Gobbles, who will undoubtedly be a little fatty like his owner, will have a perfectly suitable and apt name.
Finally, 'Gobbles' sounds like 'Goblin'? Please. Which one of us has not had their name turned into some lame play on words in junior high by kids who are now working as cashiers at their local Savon? No name is free from this kind of abuse, and as my dad would say, it builds character.
Gobbles, never be ashamed of who you are. I wouldn't name you Gobbles if I thought other puppies would make fun of you at the dog park. You have a lovely name. But is that what counts? What counts is here, in your heart. You have to be yourself.
[And please please don't prove me being wrong by being a Nazi.]
I love you!
1 comment:
Okay, here is the thing. Gobbles is a a great name and all, but you have to consider how you will feel yelling out that name when you are trying to get Gobbles to stop eating poop that another dog's owner was too lazy to pick up at the dog park. "Gobbles, no! Gobbles, come here!" Might be kinda embarrassing, I dunno. I do know one thing though, whatever that beagle's name is, I'm sure he'll be friends with Oscar. Oscar will show him the ropes, ok?
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