Friday, July 21, 2006

Cheers! La revolucion!

Consider: the cost of the average beverage in Los Angeles is continually on the rise. This disturbing trend is true even at less expensive establishments. Last night I ordered a jack and ginger that set me back a staggering $8! Now I don't know about you, but for the HJ, $8 a drink makes for an expensive evening out. After a night of a few too many drinks, my rent may be in jeopardy. This can not and will not stand! But, you say, what can I do to combat this alarming development? The bars certainly aren't going to make their drinks LESS expensive after setting this precedent. If people are paying, they will keep charging. It's a case of simple economics, supply and demand.

So, by that theory, if we stop buying drinks, the prices will come down. I for one, am happy to lead the charge against this exploitation. I am not, however, willing to suffer by practicing sobriety at the bars - it's not the alcohol's fault, after all; Jack Daniels is not the subject of my boycott. The only solution? Bringing my own stash of booze.

The flask is maybe the most underrated and underutilized tool at any drinker's disposal.

Now, most bars would probably frown upon the practice of bringing a flask in to mix your own cocktails. In fact, I would even say that some might go as far as to throw you out, or confiscate your flask! Indeed, to carry a flask, you must be bold, yet covert. You must be prepared to deal with any negative consequences. You have to be a renegade.

Once committed to this worthy task, you will find yourself pleased with the wide variety of uses for you and your trusty new best friend:
  • sporting events
  • bowling
  • concerts
  • amusement parks
  • movies
  • the beach
  • nights spent gallavanting on the town
  • and of course, expensive bars
The flask is endlessly versatile. Going to a tequila bar and don't like margaritas? Fill your flask with vodka! Worried the flask will clash with your style? Don't fear - there are many different flasks for every personality. You can even have yours personally engraved, to avoid mixups with your friends' flasks. Think you can't carry a flask because people will peg you as "an alcoholic"? Please! Just a case of jealousy and why-didn't-I-think-of-that rearing its ugly head. You will be ushering the flask into its new status of acceptability!

All this, and you will be drinking for a cause! Sticking it to the man! You will be living the dream; the rebellious life of a revolutionary!

Hail to the flask!

Friday, July 07, 2006

YARRRRR! the remix...

So, realizing all too well that my initial pirates themed posting attempt was, admittedly, very weak, I consulted my blogging muse Martin Luther Ling to ask if he had any ideas to help "spice it up". He suggested adding a picture.

Here are some pictures I found in an effort to create a superior pirates themed blog.

The Pirate Puppet.

The Pirate Showercurtain. Because dammit, even pirates value their privacy! Arrr...

Dial-a-Pirate, for a handy rolodex of pirates at your disposal

Pirate band-aids, for when you have pesky sword-inflicted injuries, but an ordinary non-pirate bandage will not suffice.

Pirate llama. Awwww... looks like the scurvy got you too! But just because he only has three legs, don't think he's not lethal with that dagger...

and perhaps my favorite.......

A Very Pirate Jr. Prom

nice work on the authentic teeth, buddy!


go see pirates.