Here, in no particular order, are some cars that should no longer be allowed on the road.
1. The Honda Element. My friend Natty, visiting from Argentina, saw one
in a parking lot. She was shocked. "What is that?? It looks like a fridge!" Seriously, now. Why would anyone want to drive a box? [Close relative: the also-boxy Toyota Scion.]2. The PT Cruiser. It looks like a British black cab met a hearse and had a baby and tried to pass it off as something new, but at the same
time, "retro!" Ooh, baby boomers loooove the PT Cruiser! Its so nostalgic! Nostalgia for what? A time of ugly cars? Sick. It's so ugly, it hurts my eyes to look at it for too long. The worst is that eggplant purple that seems to complement the hideousness of the body so well. People who drive this make me angry. It's like they are a cult of jukebox-listening, sock-hopping freaks who are relishing the idea that they are part of an exclusive hot rod club. They are probably listening to Buddy Holly as they drive.3. The Aztec. Pontiac made this SUV and I have never forgiven them. I used to drive a Grand Am, so its not like I have no love for the Pontiac,
but I was apalled, I repeat, apalled, that the Aztec passed all the requisite car-making greenlights to get designed, manufactured, and sold on the free market. But more appalling, and certainly more distressing, is that fact that somewhere, someone thought to themselves, "hm, I'm going to buy a new car today." And came home with an Aztec. For shame.4. Hummers. Of any make/model. I'm sorry, but nothing screams "inconsiderate, self-important prick" like these 11-
miles to the gallon monstrosities. Why the fuck would anyone need a military-grade vehicle for their everyday life in suburbia? Moms, you don't need an all-terrain army vehicle to drop the kids off at their 0800 soccer tournament. And can we talk about the fact that they are ugly? This is only enhanced when their idiotic owners make creative choices like bright emergency yellow.
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