Reflections on a sober weekend

Whoa.

First of all, some of you may be saying to yourself, "wait, did I link up to the wrong site? I thought I was on The Heathernet...?" Well, yes friends, despite the initial shock, the implausible title of this blog, is in fact, fact. Heather spent the entire week, including the 3-day weekend, in complete and total sobriety.

Here are some things I learned from this sober weekend that I hope will serve me in weekends to come, when drinking may well work its way back into my repertoire:

- Weekends are not as short as I once presumed! In fact, this weekend seemed to last an incredibly long time. Granted, it was a 3-day weekend, but I remember this sensation of extra time striking me as early as Saturday! Not only did I pop into the office for a few hours over the weekend, but I also managed to get a haircut, attend a friend's birthday party (in the valley, no less!), go out to breakfast, read a script, meet up with an old friend for sushi, go grocery shopping, cook myself lunch, and write this very blog! Laundry is next! Overall productivity is up, seemingly a byproduct of this unfamiliar non-hungover state...

- Karaoke, which I remember as being fairly ridiculous while drunk, is still ridiculous while sober. I may have to make a note not to attend future karaoke functions while not under the influence of some type of drug or alcohol.

- Peer pressure still runs rampant. Drinkers like to be in the company of other drinkers, not bland "designated drivers" such as myself, guzzling water while the "cool kids" are downing shots and wearing other people's underwear on their heads. I understand that some people are more easily influenced by their peers than others, so I have developed this clever comeback to quickly diffuse an awkward peer pressure situation. Please feel free to take your own liberties when adapting the following quote to your own, personal situation.

"You know what, guys?? I'm "cool" without drinking/using pot/smoking crack, I am still a fun and exciting/interesting/studious person, and if you can't see all that I have to offer just because I don't have a beer/blunt/crack pipe in my hand, then you can find yourself a new friend."

Problem solved!

- Sparkling water is still less expensive than vodka tonics at most LA bars. Pour into a glass and add a lime and its like you have a fancy cocktail! Only you will be the wiser ;)

So my experiment as a teetotaler has been an unmitigated success! I would like to take this opportunity to thank my many supporters who made this sober week/weekend possible, and also to those who gallantly agreed to help take care of me when I end the experiment this weekend, at my birthday party.